1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
meandmygayass

What true love looks like.

scarlettohairdye

OKAY SO I had a coworker who was otherwise a standard clueless Straight White Guy, but this dude loved his wife and he knew her real good.
And his wife LOVES shitty grocery store icing.
So the first thing she’d always do with any cake is shove her fingers into the corner and scoop off whatever abomination of a flower was on there and eat it off her fingers.

SO THIS DUDE
GOES TO THE STORE
AND HAS THEM MAKE A WHOLE CAKE OUT OF FROSTING
Brings it home to his wife for her birthday
She shoves her fingers into it and then they just keep going
FROSTING ALL THE WAY DOWN
He said the look on her face was the best thing he’d ever seen in his life
It gives me hope that even a clueless Straight White Guy knew and loved his wife enough to give her the perfect birthday present cake frosting abomination

And I love to imagine the conversation he had to have with the grocery store bakery.

neurodivergent-crow

That’s disgusting, what a good husband

Source: scarlettohairdye
meandmygayass
trainthief

I actually genuinely love dealing with angry and aggressive customers because it’s SO funny. They always come in with a specific level of energy and they expect whoever they deal with to be scared of them and then when I’m clearly not physically or emotionally intimidated they get SO flustered and start doing the weirdest shit to regain power in the situation. Like there’s absolutely nothing you could do to me in this coffee shop that would ever even make my Top 10 Scariest Interactions With People but by all means, keep faking that phone call to your boss who apparently knows the Starbucks mermaid personally. 

sims4likesandsuch

Is that the right way to deal with people paying you for a service? Is it really worth losing customers and potential customers so you can pretend like you are someone important? What could they be irate about? You put whip cream on the latte? You didn’t leave your finger on the grinder button long enough? I find it hysterical that someone so low on the food chain needs to feel like they have a big dick! It’s rather pathetic that someone that is one step-up from pushing carts for a living can be so delusional. I would be petty if my daily life was to warm up milk or grind beans for a living but at the end of the day you are the one wearing an apron & wiping piss off toilets for a living. I think we all know who really wins

trainthief

image

Cranky because I told you your “grande 20 oz skinny breve latte” order made no fucking sense aren’t you

Source: trainthief
meandmygayass
palaeoplushies

The Tale of Pancake the Red Dolphin

On the way back from the Post Office the other day I noticed this soft toy squished into a pothole on the road. It took me a number of steps to realise what it was I had seen, and I thought to myself that if it was still there the next time I went to the Post Office I’d take it home with me.

So, Pancake was still there today. As you can see he was rather worse for wear and very, very flat. I took him home and gave him a bath as he was Super Gross. He was still super gross after his bath, so I threw him in with the clothes wash and he came out a lot brighter, but still rather deflated. I re-stuffed him and sewed around his flippers because the layers were de-laminating a bit, and now he’s happy and almost as good as new!

I snipped off his label because it was damaged, but he’s apparently an Animal Jam Happy Meal toy from last year (2018).

Source: palaeoplushies
littlekiwifrog
yourbigsisnissi

you have to actively push jealous thoughts out of your mind. actively celebrate when good things happen to other people. actively choose to not compare yourself. actively decide that someone else’s success doesn’t mean your failure.

of course, “i” am included in that “you.” i choose to push those thoughts out of my mind because i refuse to walk around in bitterness, because that bitterness will make me miss out on appreciating the life that i have

Source: yourbigsisnissi